


Lost

by ramblebrambleamble



Category: One Piece
Genre: Gen, I still love Eldritch Greer., Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Self-Indulgent, Under the username Albertasteinthe21st.genius, if that's the sort of thing that puts you off, this was my first fanfiction and it's heavy on the ocs, when i was fifteen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:15:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25498942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramblebrambleamble/pseuds/ramblebrambleamble
Summary: In which Zoro's non-sense of direction is apparently, temporarily, contagious and Nami gets lost.Impossible. Improbable. This sort of thing shouldn't be allowed.
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

Nami was lost. But the thing was, Nami didn't _know_ she was lost. She had just arrived on the island, asked when the log pose would set (4 hours), and gone off to explore (and score some bargains). Being the expert navigator that she was, she had no expectation of becoming lost. There was no precedence for such a thing.

Zoro was lost, too. This was nothing new. Roronoa Zoro didn't know he was lost, which was _also_ nothing new.

When Nami saw Zoro wandering aimlessly through the city, she immediately set about berating him. If nothing else, she at least knew that they were both a long way from the ship. Believing that she knew exactly where she was going, Nami loaded a grumbling Zoro with most of her purchases and began to lead them deeper into the city, unaware that (must I remind you?) she was lost.

They were spotted by two marines, who also happened to be lost. One of these marines, who we shall call Bob, readily admitted that they were lost. The other marine, whom we shall refer to as Barry, was in denial, adamant that according to their "map" they were in the shopping district. Bob did not see anything remotely resembling a shop. Barry claimed that there was one just around the corner. But seeing as this was the 32nd time Barry had made such a claim (Bob had been counting), Bob paid his colleague no heed.

While Bob did not see any shops, he did see a red head vanishing into an alley. Barry, pausing from his "map-reading", saw a green head go into the same alley. Bob and Barry looked at each other.

Bob thought that it would be good idea to ask for directions. Barry thought that it would be a good idea to arrest them, and then ask for directions. Bob and Barry began to argue as they followed the brightly coloured heads further into the city.

* * *

Chopper was happy in a bookshop, checking out the latest medical books. With him was Robin, who was contentedly browsing the history section.

They were also spotted by two marines, who weren't particularly bright. They were also a little young. No one was quite sure why or how they had joined the marines (though it may have had something to do with their father being an Ensign). They both boasted the esteemed rank of Chore Boy. They, unsurprisingly, were lost. They were supposed to be patrolling with two older marines, but they'd got left behind when they'd stopped for a break without telling their minders. They had already tried asking for directions, but it hadn't gone well. In fact, it had gone a little something like this:

(5 minutes ago)

"Hey mister! We're Chore Boys! That means that we're marines and you have to do what we say. Tell us where we are!"

 **Bonk**! **Bonk**!

They still had the bumps on their heads. That green-haired guy had been really mean. The green-haired guy had also carried three swords, just like Roronoa Zoro. The Pirate Hunter was so cool. The green-haired guy was so _not_ cool. At least, according to our intrepid Chore Boys.

One of the Chore Boys saw a nice-looking lady coming out of a nearby bookshop. We shall call this boy Billy. The other Chore Boy saw the lady's pet raccoon. This boy shall be known to us as BJ.

Billy saw a second chance to ask for directions. BJ saw a cute animal. They walked towards the lady, BJ turning out his pockets looking for dog treats.

* * *

Robin saw a pair of ten year olds dressed up in marine uniforms. She thought it looked ever so slightly . . . cute. Zombie-dogs were cuter though. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed two people closely resembling her crew mates walk past and turn into an alley. She decided to tag along, having finished with her shopping.

"Come on, Chopper." She said as she began to walk.

Chopper followed her in his reindeer form, the bag full of books on his back.

Gawking at the sudden change in appearance, Billy and BJ followed them both.

* * *

Neither Nami nor Zoro had noticed yet that they were being followed. Zoro would usually have picked up something so obvious, but Nami's annoyed fists meeting his skull every so often was very distracting.

Robin was amused by the two oh-so-subtle stalkers Nami and Zoro had. She was also amused by her own shy little followers. She could afford to be amused, because someone of her calibre could take out the four marines in a heartbeat. Not that _they_ needed to know that.

Chopper only wished that Nami and Zoro would slow down. It was hard enough keeping them in sight, let alone catch up when he was carrying all the heavy books. They didn't seem to hear him when he called. He could smell the marines, but he could tell that they were weak, so he wasn't worried. If only Nami and Zoro would _slow_ _down_.

* * *

Billy and BJ crept along behind the lady and her reindeer, desperately hoping that she was going towards the marine base for whatever reason. They couldn't work up the courage to ask if she knew the way so they could get there themselves.

Bob and Barry had somehow got it into their heads that they knew who the red-haired girl was. They were following her as they "quietly" argued about whether or not they should arrest her. Everyone was ignoring them, which was why they believed that no one was noticing them.

Finally, and abruptly, Nami stopped. Zoro slammed into her back, sending her stumbling forwards. She turned on him with a glare fit to melt swords, and screamed, "You idiot! You got us lost!"

Zoro didn't see how this could be his fault. He had been following Nami, not the other way round-

"You're lost?! But-" Bob and Barry yelled as they stumbled to a halt. Then they resolved their argument, declaring, "You're under arrest for misleading marine officers!"

Nami turned her glare on them instead of Zoro. Zoro only glanced boredly in their direction. They looked weak. No point in bothering with them, the witch could handle them.

Chopper's eyes bugged out and his jaw dropped. Nami, lost? That was impossible!

Robin chuckled quietly to herself at the looks on everyone's faces. She beckoned her two followers into the light, so as to keep a better eye on them.

Billy and BJ trustingly came to stand by the lady, wondering what the heck was going on.

* * *

It's safe to say that Nami was not happy. In fact, she was _furious_. How could something like this happen to her? What next, a broken Clima-Tact?! She blamed Zoro. Somewhere along the line, she must have caught some of his idiocy. Maybe his ability to get lost was contagious! She cringed at the thought.

Zoro wasn't happy either. The witch was taking her frustrations out on him, and he was more than a little sick of being used as a punching bag. He was tired too. Maybe he should take a nap. A nap . . . That was a great idea! If he sat down against this wall here, and went to sleep, she'd forget about him, right? He'd be quiet and still, so therefore less of a target. Yeah, he'd take a nap.

Nami couldn't believe it! The nerve of that guy! The damn swordsman had gone to _sleep_!

* * *

They had no idea that they were being watched. How could such numbskulls have evaded capture for so long? They had even admitted to being lost, when the port was only a couple of blocks away. Either this Smoker guy wasn't as good as people thought he was, or that Straw Hat was one lucky guy.

Well, they did say that he was supposed to be strong...

* * *

Billy and BJ were happy. They'd found Bob and Barry. Billy was secretly gloating that his idea of following the lady had paid off. BJ, on the other hand, still hadn't found his dog treats. Maybe they were in his other uniform?

However, while it was great finding their fellow marines, they weren't quite so pleased to see a certain green-haired swordsman. They began to grumble to themselves, rubbing their heads subconsciously, ignoring a certain ranting red-head and Bob's repeated attempts to get their attention.

Barry had figured out where he knew the redhead from. It was that Cat-Burglar woman of the Straw Hat pirates. While Bob tried to signal the two Chore Brats, Barry tried to un-cuff the Sea Stone handcuffs from his ankles.

(How he managed to do that in the first place, we'll never know.)

* * *

Actually, he could see how the Straw Hats had got away with it for so long if most marines were _this_ incompetent.

* * *

As Nami ranted and the marines fumbled about, Robin felt eyes on the back of her head. She glanced at the ridiculous scene before her, ascertaining that all was well, before slowly and carefully lifting her head.

A dark figure lazed on the roof of a nearby building. Noticing Robin's stare, the figure made a peace sign, two fingers forming a V. She could have sworn that the figure smiled at her. For now, whoever it was didn't seem to be a threat. She turned back to watching her crewmates, just in time to see the older marines cuff themselves together. The two small boys began to bounce, trying to get her attention. She looked down.

(BJ wanted permission to pet the raccoon. Billy wanted the 'nice' lady to help un-cuff Bob and Barry.)

The two boys jabbered at Robin incoherently. Something about feeding handcuffs to Sea Stone raccoons, or some other nonsense. She decided that it wasn't important. She tuned out their voices, paying more attention to the navigator as Nami calmed down.

* * *

Hmm. Interesting...


	2. Chapter 2

He had no place to go, and all the time in the world to get there. Sort of. That was why he was still sitting here, watching them. The navigator (Cat Burglar Nami, if he remembered her name correctly) was arguing fiercely with herself, reminding him that learning to lip-read was still somewhere on his to-do list.

In the meantime, he amused himself with the swordsman's (three swords? Really?) newfound discomfort as Nami the navigator resolved her inner conflict, apparently seeing fit to rain a barrage of lightning upon his moss-coloured head-

" _Purupurupuru. Purupurupuru_ "

With a sigh, he lifted the baby snail to his face. "What is it? And make it quiet."

"Captain!" the voice whispered loudly, "The Straw Hat Pirates are in port!"

"I am well aware of that already." He shot an amused glance down at the unfortunate swordsman as he replied. The Straw Hat navigator was really quite feisty when she wanted to be.

"How on the Grand Line could you possibly know? You left before they docked!" his cook said in a cross tone. What had he done now?

"I know because I am presently perusing their nymphatic navigator as she . . ." he peered down, confirming that she was still at it before continuing, "electrocuting their swordsman."

"Roronoa Zoro?"

"Is that his name?"

His cook sighed, the snail phone's face looking very put out. "Yes, that's the name of their swordsman."

"So... Did you want something?"

The snail phone's face looked stricken for a moment.

"Oh, that's right! Don't get into any trouble, and make sure you remember to bring back those groceries I told you to get."

"Whatever you say, milady."

"Don't be a- you know what, nevermind. At least you're not like the damn navigator."

"He has a name."

"Shut up."

He chuckled quietly as she hung up on him, eyes once more straying down to watch the show, although it seemed to be almost over. That navigator of theirs seemed quite fiery. Not knowing her personally, he really couldn't judge, but it was increasingly clear that she most certainly did not like being lost, as lost she must undoubtedly be in order to work herself into such a state. To think that such a supposedly legendary navigator could ever get into such a position.

Maybe he should reveal himself? Although, the dark-haired woman already seemed aware of him watching them. He sighed, as he would have preferred for his appearance to be a complete surprise. He liked to see the look on people's faces. But, alas, some people were just too sharp. Sharp, like swords. It made him wonder how the great 'Pirate Hunter' would react, though he suspected that his answer would come in the form of a blade swinging at his face.

He sighed again. Some people just had no manners. Then again, he might just be underestimating Zoro's patience. There was no way to find out other than to go down and say hello.

* * *

Chopper was panicking. Zoro wasn't moving, and the smell of scorched hair was thick in the air. What was Nami thinking, electrocuting Zoro like that?!

"Doctor, doctor, someone get a doctor!"

_**Bonk!** _

"You are a doctor."

"Ow... Nami's so mean... Oh, wait, I'm a doctor!"

Chopper checked Zoro's pulse.

Yes, Zoro still had a pulse. Then he looked for injuries, but apart from his singed hair the swordsman seemed strangely untouched. Chopper sighed in relief as Zoro coughed.

"Witch..."

Nami waved her Clima-Tact threateningly. Zoro would have made himself look as meek as possible, except that he suddenly remembered the presence of the marines.

To their credit, Bob and Barry had managed to un-cuff themselves, no thanks to two certain Chore Boys.

And, speaking of Chore Boys, Billy and BJ were in shock, for several reasons. After all, the 'raccoon' had spoken. And claimed to be a doctor. The red-haired girl could make lightning with a stick, and had electrocuted the mean swordsman and hit the raccoon on the head. They blinked simultaneously, minds seizing on this information. Poor raccoon . . .

Robin found it all quite amusing, her ever-present smile becoming a little bigger. Then she realised that she couldn't sense their watcher anymore. A quick glance told her that a certain roof was no longer occupied...

"Cat Burglar Nami of the Straw Hat Pirates! You are under arrest!"

Of course, Bob and Barry chose that moment for their comedy act. Barry waved his handcuffs triumphantly as everyone else apart from Bob stared at him in disbelief.

"Under arrest? I think not, my noble numbskulls. Milady Nami and I have other things to attend to."

* * *

Robin blinked. So _that's_ where he'd got to.

The reactions of everyone else weren't nearly so composed.

Billy fainted, causing BJ to panic. Bob and Barry were so surprised that they somehow handcuffed themselves together (again). Chopper latched onto Zoro's head as Zoro was pulled in front of a startled Nami. Zoro clenched a hand on the hilt of Shusui, feet settling into a defensive stance.

A young man walked confidently out of the shadows, hands up in an attempt to seem less threatening. It wasn't really working, not with the wide smirk dominating his features.

He was wearing a wide-brimmed brown hat tilted forward to shadow his face and a black suit missing its tie. His shirt was a brilliant shade of purple. His shoes were plain brown leather, practical in almost any situation. A gun was holstered on his left hip, covered in swirling gold engravings, while on his right a sword hung in a grey scabbard, hilt wrapped in purple cloth.

Despite the smile, the way he stood and watched them all gave the young man an aura of danger.

Bob and Barry became engrossed in the task of undoing the handcuffs, wishing that they were anywhere else but here.

* * *

Robin compared the newcomer's appearance to that of the marines. She stilled as the man swept his gleaming gaze over her, his smile seeming a little more genuine for a fleeting moment.

"Nico Robin. A pleasure to meet you, milady."

He bowed to her, then straightened with a flourish, grinning at the look on BJ's face as he realised that the 'nice lady' was the infamous Demon Child.

"Milady, tell me, what might a beauty like you be doing with these poor excuses for Ensigns?"

Bob and Barry bristled at the insult even as they both turned white with fear, frantically trying to un-cuff themselves for the second time that day.

Billy was still out cold. After a few more seconds of hyperventilating, BJ joined him, Robin kindly catching him and lowering him gently to the ground without looking away from the mystery man.

"May I ask-" Robin began.

* * *

"Who are you?" Zoro demanded.

This guy looked like he could put up some sort of fight. Zoro looked forward to it, in fact. But there was also the little issue of...

"... And what do you want with Nami?" the swordsman grudgingly asked.

The guy didn't look the slightest bit worried by Zoro's threatening demeanour. He stayed silent for a long moment, eyes locked with Zoro's as each assessed the other. Then his smirk shrank into a small, genuine, smile.

* * *

It would seem that he had given Roronoa Zoro less credit than he was due. Well, he supposed that it _was_ probably about time to introduce himself.

"Eldritch Greer, at your... pleasure." He said, touching a hand to his hat-brim. The swordsman raised an eyebrow, waiting for the rest of it. Greer chuckled, paying slightly more attention to the struggling marines than he was to Zoro.

"And, as for what I want with your redhead, I have simply made note of the fact that she is apparently lost and would presumably prefer to change that particular state of affairs."

Zoro, for the briefest of moments, wished that Sanji was there, if only so that Zoro could see the look on the love-cook's face when Greer said "your redhead". He relaxed slightly, taking his hand off his sword. The marines were weaklings and this guy didn't seem to want to fight right now. Tch.

_Nami_ did not appreciate being reminded of her situation. She relieved her newly revived stress by slapping Zoro on the back of the head, earning herself a glare.Then, putting on her most _innocent_ smile, she asked, "Do you know where we are mister Eldritch?"

"Call me Greer."

He said it with a look that told Nami quite clearly that he could see right through her. She pouted, to no effect.

And here she'd been thinking that he'd be like Sanji.


	3. Chapter 3

"Of course, milady," Greer said. "I know exactly where we are." Then he turned his gaze on the two struggling marines. "However, I feel that firstly there are certain people that ought to be . . . dealt with."

Bob and Barry froze, eyes slowly rising from their handcuffs to rest a fearful gaze on Eldritch Greer. They knew who he was. They knew what he was capable of. They had no desire to be humiliated (again). The last time they'd encountered this captain, he'd left them speaking gibberish for a month straight and replaced their hair with grass.

* * *

It was interesting how the marines reacted to 'Greer'. One moment, they were rattling their cuffs and muttering to themselves. The next, they were frozen in terror with their mouths hanging open. Zoro saw this only because Chopper had let go of his head in favour of checking up on the kids at Robin's feet.

Chopper, being an animal, could smell the fear as he examined the Chore Boys. He found nothing wrong with them, other than the fact that they were unconscious. Task done, he turned to watch the show with everyone else.

Greer smiled uncomfortably widely, taking a step towards Bob and Barry. He took another step, noting the knock-kneed way they shook before him. They clearly remembered him from their last encounter.

Greer placed a hand on the hilt of his sword. He opened his mouth.

"Boo."

Poor Bob and Barry. How terrified they were. If anyone ever asked, they would vehemently deny it, but at that moment they both screamed like little girls.

Greer tilted his hat back, revealing his golden eyes.

Straw Hat Luffy was known to tilt his hat forward when he meant business. With Eldritch Greer, it was the opposite. And no sane ~~coward~~ marine wanted to be in the vicinity when Eldritch Greer meant _business_.

Again, they would always deny it, but Bob Barry screamed at an ear-splitting pitch. And when the captain leant towards them ever so slightly . . .

Bob and Barry ran for their dignity. And their lives, although that's not what they were thinking at the time. The best part? They were still cuffed together.

* * *

As the sound of shrieking faded out into the distance, Greer let go of his sword, tilting his hat forward so it was once again shading his eyes. He burst into laughter, clutching his stomach as he wheezed.

"That was _too_ easy..."

Voice getting higher in pitch due to lack of oxygen, he said "The _looks_ on their _faces.._."

He was starting to get strange looks from the Straw Hats. He waved a hand, straightening up.

"Don't mind me," He said, before adding under his breath "Jones would have loved to see that."

"Now, where were we?"

* * *

"You said you knew where we were," Nami was happy to remind him, because as we already know, she did not like being lost.

"Ah, yes. You wish to return to the docks, correct?"

" _Yes._ "

"Follow me, then, if you would milady?"

He started to walk off, checking behind him to see if they were going to follow. Nami began to drag Zoro along, Chopper beside her.

Robin, after a few moments' hesitation, conjured arms from the cobbled ground to carry the Chore Boys. She would leave them in a more populated area, where it would be easier for them to get help when they woke up.

Robin and her two charges followed everyone else down the street.

* * *

 ****They were halfway to the docks by Robin's calculation when Greer abruptly stopped and turned around. Nami ran into his chest, causing him to look down at her from under his hat.

"What's wrong?"

A sigh. "Where is your swordsman?"

* * *

Zoro stopped abruptly in the middle of the alleyway. Blinking in confusion, he turned around and around several times, noting the distinct lack of redheaded witches and random suspicious guides in suits. Zoro snorted, scowling since the others had all clearly gotten themselves lost again. So much for Greer knowing where he was going. With a growl of irritation, Zoro stalked back in the direction he thought that he'd come from, intent on finding his crew mates.

* * *

Nami looked about ready to tear her hair out when she realised that Zoro had wandered off.

"That idiot!" she yelled, pacing back and forth, "How hard is it to stay in the group!"

"This _is_ Zoro we are talking about," Robin chuckled, leaning her two charges against a wall for a moment. Nami opened her mouth, looking like she was about to scream.

"I wonder if there's a cure for idiocy..." Chopper mumbled under his breath.

While the Straw Hats commiserated over their swordsman's stupidity, Greer thought back to possible points that Roronoa could have wandered off at.

This town was full of little alley off-shoots. Potential Pirate Hunter locations were endless.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as Nami ranted.

"Does he do this _often_ , milady?" Greer asked as Nami moved from one side to the other.

"Yes!" she answered back with a snap. Greer put his hands up in defence.

Nico Robin smiled at him, saying "Yes, he often does this. However, I believe we will find him already at our destination if we continue on."

"Yeah!" Chopper piped up, "He gets lost, but then he gets there first. It's not logical!"

"Then, perhaps we should... continue?"

* * *

Truth be told, Greer was supposed to be doing other things with his time. On orders from his cook, he was supposed to be scouring the island for any Adam wood he could find. She wanted ten square metres of it and one hundred litres of cola, for "reasons".

When he voiced this thought out loud...

"Oh, our shipwright can help you with that. I'll introduce you for ten thousand beri."

"Or I could introduce myself for free," he shot back. Ten thousand beri? He'd get skinned. His cook took budgeting very seriously.

And then they had arrived. The Straw Hat's distinctive ship dominated the port, dwarfing many of the other vessels, which were mostly fishing boats in various levels of repair.

"Oh, great! We're here!" Nami cheered, speeding up. The bag she was carrying knocked against her leg and something fell out.

She stopped and frowned at the item in question. She didn't remember getting it despite its... unique- It was downright ugly. There was no other way of saying it.

She waved crossly in Greer's face. "Did you put this in my bag?!"

Greer blinked. Was that a . . . No, it couldn't be. Could it? He took it gingerly from the Straw Hat navigator, inspecting it from all angles. Under the shadow of his hat, his face darkened. He hadn't seen one of these since before Marineford. He clenched a fist at the memory, carelessly tossing the object into the sea, much to Nami's surprise. He surreptitiously took stock of his surroundings, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. Not that that meant anything.

"Milady, I would suggest you watch your back. That thing was a marine spy camera."

He ignored Nami's reaction, his mind grinding furiously.

Those two jokes from before, B and B, could they have something to do with this?

No. He'd dealt with them before. They wouldn't have the guts to try it and anyway, they couldn't have reached their ship yet. The marine base and it's private port were on the other side of the island. Captain Bruce was too proud to park his ship where plebians might see it. It was the subject of many complaints regarding response times. What was he-

"Yo, you looking for me?"

Chopper had fetched Franky. Greer snapped out of his reverie, eyes alighting on a large, pantsless man in a loud shirt. Greer winced, but made no comment. He decided to finish his list, and quickly, before somebody (the marines) started a fight.

"You're the shipwright?"

"Yeah. I built this ship from scratch, you know that? Chopper said you were looking for cola. Well, I got loads of the stuff! How much you need, brother?"

Greer was about to answer, but as he did, he noticed the wide eyes of one of the Chore Boys. He froze.


End file.
